Tips for Christian Guys Getting Back Into the Dating Scene

Are you a single Christian guy needing advice about how to get back into the dating scene? Maybe you’ve never dated at all, and your lack of experience is making you nervous. Perhaps you’ve been busy with other goals – things like college and work may have been more important than your social life. Or maybe you’ve been through a break-up or a divorce, but now you’re ready to date again. Take these tips for single Christian guys…

Book Review – The Louder Song by Aubrey Sampson

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Have you ever been at a point in your life when you asked God “Why is this happening?”

If you’ve been filled with grief over a tragic event and you can’t understand why God would allow such disappointment, Aubrey Sampson understands. Such a point in life she refers to as lament. Lament can happen over a job loss, diagnosis of an illness, death, or a difficulty in a marital relationship. In her new book The Louder Song, she talks about her own journey of lament and weaves it with the lament stories that you might have heard in the Bible (or may not have, given that Christians are so often told to put on a happy face).

Aubrey Sampson is honest in telling her story. She knows that on the journey of grief, you can’t just get a how-to-do-grief book, and go on your merry way. You can’t just fix it neatly for yourself or someone else. You have to go through it. You have to feel the hurt and pass through it. There are no shortcuts for grief. She affirms every Christian who has asked the tough questions – why did this happen? How could God do this to me? Why don’t I have answers? She affirms that you are not a weak Christian for asking the questions and not having answers. Faith and questioning can and should co-exist in times of trials.

If you want a book that’s honest about grief, I highly recommend this book. Sampson is honest with her raw emotions and about her questions of God; I really liked her vulnerability.

FTC Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

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Should I Date An Unbeliever?

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Have you ever asked yourself if Christians should date non-believers? Maybe you’re new to the Christian life or you’ve been a Christian for a long time. If you’re a Christian churchgoer, you can ask the question, “Can a Christian date a non-believer?” Your pastor can give you a clear verse from the Bible indicating why the answer is “No, Christians should not date un-believers.”

However, I believe that after finding a Biblical answer to life’s questions, we can sometimes also see a scientific or practical reason to why things are so. God is so gracious to us that He does not tell us to “check your brain at the door”. Instead of God just saying “No, because I said so,” there are practical reasons why Christians should not date non-believers. We can think this through using our God-given logic. There are several reasons why Christians should avoid dating non-believers.

Dating can lead to marriage.

“Obviously”, you might be thinking. Here’s what I mean – one date can lead to another date, which can lead to another date, which can lead to a long term relationship, that can lead to moving in together. Unfortunately, this is not always a good thing. Some folks get locked into relationships where they just aren’t compatible or where one person wants a serious commitment and the other wants something casual. This can lead to resentment and tension from not being on the same page. Putting two people together who are Christians doesn’t guarantee a cakewalk, but it should make some pivotal conversations easier, or take them off the table entirely, because you have a common faith to work from.  “I can’t believe I wound up with this person” you might say, but it all started somewhere. Putting a little more thought into things on the front end might spare you a little heartache later on.

Are you looking for someone to share your values and worldview?

If you go beyond the surface of what a person looks like and the water cooler talk, what is this person really about? When their looks change, and both you and them have been through a major life change or two, what’s left? Do they share your values and your worldview? Will they still be interesting to talk to? If you’re a Christian and they’re a Christian, hopefully your faith will still be common ground for you both. Physical attraction is fun and important for the beginning of a relationship, but a person’s appearance can change over time. When the outside changes, will you still like what’s left on the inside?

It isn’t fair to ask (or expect) someone to change. 

I’m talking big, huge pieces of life here. If you’re a devout Christian dating a non-believer, you may have said that you don’t mind their belief system. And you are free to do as you wish. But deep down, in the secrecy of your own thoughts, are you wishing for a change? Are you hoping for that guy or girl to get saved? (If you love them, or even just like them, you are.) Are you hoping they’ll change from being an atheist to a believer and just accept Jesus? I hope with you for that to happen but I also know that staying stuck there in that situation is an unhappy place. Pray for them, love them from a distance, but don’t do “missionary dating”. Don’t hope for them to convert while you’re dating them. It’s not fair to them or to you.

Dating a non-believer makes chastity more difficult.

Similar to expecting people to change, it’s hard to stay on track with trying to practice chastity if you’re dating someone who doesn’t value that goal. Just because someone is a Christian doesn’t mean they’re interested in abstinence, but for the most part, there’s a worldview that dominates the media when it comes to sex: if both parties consent, it’s fine. This opposes the Christian worldview as laid out in the Bible that says it’s not fine until you’re married. Even if you want to. Even if you’re in a committed relationship. Teaming up with an unbeliever is really pointless if you’re serious about chastity and abstinence.

About This Blog: Please feel free to share any information from this site, in part or in full, giving credit to the author and providing a link to this website. Fearless Faith is a blog dedicated to family, faith and frugality. All views are the author’s own and content is copyright of the author unless otherwise indicated.

Singles, How to Make the Most of the Time

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Have you ever thought about what it means to “redeem the time”? In Ephesians 5:16, we’re told to “redeem the time” (or, as some versions read, “make the most of the time”). Have you ever thought about how this could apply to your life if you’re a Christian single with a desire for marriage?

Waiting is hard. It can be painful, filled with hurt and discomfort. It can be filled with ambiguity. There can be tension in waiting. As Christians, we’re encouraged to “trust in the LORD” with all our hearts (Proverbs 3:5-6), yet nowhere in the Bible are we given the promise of a future spouse. So, with confident expectation, we can do our part, and we can pray, but there’s that other part – the faith part- that means we have to hand over the reins and trust God that He will help with all the other parts in the process that we can’t control.

So what’s that got to do with our time, with redeeming the time or making the most of the time?

It’s my opinion that there’s a lot we can do while we’re waiting. If you’re praying and asking God to bring you a husband or a wife, or you’re asking God to heal your broken heart, I can’t make your prayers come true or fix your broken heart. However, I do think that waiting can be viewed as a time of preparation, rather than desperation. This can give us hope.

Waiting can be viewed as a chance to prepare for what we want – a future season of marriage. If you hope and want for marriage, you can take the opportunities now for making your single life the best that it can be. Don’t settle for dating people who don’t respect you, just because you’re alone. Don’t buy the idea that you are “less than” because you’re not in a relationship. Don’t accept the idea that you have to be in a relationship – you don’t.

You can give yourself some power if you feel uncomfortable with the unknown. I think that being single can give great opportunities for positive change. Focusing on these things while you’re single can allow you to experience blessings in your own life. And, if you get the marriage you’re praying for, the results of these changes could bless your future spouse as well. Here’s what I’m talking about:

Redeeming the Time Financially

If you’re single, why not consider the state of your financial house? If you don’t have financial goals that you’ve thought about, now’s the time to think on it and go for it! Big goals like saving for a house, paying down student debt, building an emergency fund, or being able to give to a charity you have a soft spot for – these are all things you can enjoy doing while you’re single. While you don’t have to stop these things when you get married, being solo means that you’re number one with no one else to answer to. Since I’m single, I expect that if I ever get married, that kind of “Me Only” mentality that I have with my finances would not make for a successful partnership. Having a husband would mean the game would have to change from “me” to “we”.

Redeeming the Time, At Work

Some girls have only one goal in life: get married, have kids, and be a stay-at-home mom. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having that goal. Motherhood is a high and noble calling. Partnerships of families where the mother is home with her young kids, and the kids feel safe and secure – these partnerships can create good kids who grow up to be good people. If this is your goal as a woman – to find a partner, get married, and be a homemaker – how can you redeem the time to that end? I don’t think that eliminates doing your best at a job outside the home. Being able to contribute financially can be an asset to your future household. Ruth, in the Bible, is an excellent example of this. Her second husband, Boaz, would never have met her had he not seen her work ethic displayed when she was gathering food.

Being single can be a great time to accomplish goals and acquire skills that can serve your family, regardless of your parenting plans. I probably never would have been able to finish my college education had I not been single when I was going to school. If I was a working mother with kids to care for, it would have been impossible. I couldn’t have done it; it would have been too much.

For men and women, being single is the perfect time to tackle time-consuming goals. What might you accomplish? Have you been thinking about going back to school, getting an extra certification, learning a new language, or going for a promotion at work? Being single gives you more time to take the steps you might need in order to advance your career before your family needs more of your attention.

Redeeming the Time, Just for Fun

Not everything has to be serious! Some things can be just for fun. Have you thought about starting a side hustle, going mountain biking, starting a website, or learning how to cook? Have you binge watched anything stupid lately, ate breakfast in bed, or re-decorated your bedroom? Would you enjoy doing a service project or clearing out some clutter, Kon-Mari style? Not everything has to have a goal – some things can be just for fun – and when you’re single, you get to be the boss!

I hope that wherever you are in your life, you can find a way to make the most of the time and enjoy it! You’re worth it!

About This Blog: Please feel free to share any information from this site, in part or in full, giving credit to the author and providing a link to this website. Fearless Faith is a blog dedicated to family, faith and frugality. All views are the author’s own and content is copyright of the author unless otherwise indicated.